Places I dream to visit

Caramoan Island Camarines Sur

Bantayan Island Cebu

Coron Island in Palawan

Pagudpud in Ilocos Norte

Malapascua Cebu

Guimaras in Western Visayas

It's Me

So he left me again. He always does. For almost five years this is what he has been doing to me. On and off. Sometimes with no reason at all. Most of the time it’s because of me. “Yeah, it’s not him, it’s me.” Always. I try to convince myself that I understand everything but I don’t.
He made me believed that he was my soul mate.
It hurts so much how could he do this to me. Everything was great and all I did was love him. He told me he still loves me. But how could he let me go? I never wanted to be with someone else but I was pushed by the situation.
I know it’s unfair for him to wait. 5 years and I’m still not able to move on. I can’t get over him. I’m taken, he’s single, but we’re still seeing and hurting each other. I chased him and I let him chase me, too. But we both ended up with a bandaid. And the last time we had a talk, it never ended well. I don’t want to break down. But I want him. I don’t even think he’s perfect anymore but I still want him.

My playlist for today

Smile - Uncle Cracker
Heart shaped box - Nirvana
Only you can love me this way - keith Urban
Swing life away - Rise Against
Love drunk - Boys Like Girls

Alone

I find myself facing Christmas alone... Again. No family, no cousins, no friends and no nothing. Just me, my dogs and my Christmas tree.

Survivor Anawangin

What to bring:
Tents, flashlights, sleeping bag, off lotion, gas burner, lamp, cooking stuff, uling, food, chips, swimsuit, camera, sunblock, ziplock plastic bags, The Bar.

Team building. It took 6 hours from Alabang to Zambales. Grabe naman kasi traffic sa SLEX. Pero in fairness na-enjoy ko yung travel. Yung travel lang. First time ko makadaan sa napakagandang newly opened road, SCTEX. Feeling ko nasa ibang bansa ako. Dadaan ka sa gitna ng ginibang bundok. Walang ibang sasakyan. Walang ilaw sa gabi. Speed limit is between 80 - 100 kph. Pag bumagal ka, huli ka ng patrol. Parang nasa Farmville ka lang. Butas nga lang bulsa mo sa dami ng tollgates. 380php ba naman nagastos sa toll one-way pa lang from SCTEX hanggang Subic. Sa sobrang mahal napatambay kami sa Subic. Kamalas-malasan, mahigpit pala sa Subic, nahuli kami sa No Right Turn. Ang kulet naman kasi ng driver ayaw sumunod sa traffic sign.
Then 30-minute boatride pa going to Anawangin Cove. Buti pwede pa sumakay ng bangka kahit 7:00pm na ng gabi. Walang alon kasi walang hangin. Low tide.
When we arrived there grabe hassle walang signal! Walang silbi ang cellphone. Taong bundok talaga kami. Walang tao sa island, kami lang. Walang ilaw. Mag-iigib ka pa ng tubig sa poso. Madilim. Puro pine trees, mountain, lagoon, and the beach. We brought seven tents. Walang choice. Matutulog ka sa buhangin. Masakit sa katawan. Naku naman. And the sand! My gudnes! The sand! I was expecting a white sand. Pero hindi sya white sand. White lang sya sa picture. Pero it’s gray with white ashes dahil yata sa Mt. Pinatubo. Full of crystal sands kaya maputi sya sa picture. I could’ve appreciated the island kung kasama ko siguro mga friends ko sa GE, baka masaya pa, pero kasama ko yung mga ibang teammates ko na panget at walang ginawa kundi matulog sa tent at maginarte.
I won’t be coming back to this place ever again. Tama na yung napuntahan ko sya once in my life and took a picture of it. But I will not be going back to this place. Hindi ako magsusurvive.

Salamat

Tatlong araw na yata akong umiiyak. Naiiyak ako sa balita. Naiyak din ako sa interview kay Kris Aquino. Nakakaiyak yung kwento nya huhu. Hindi naman nila ako kamag-anak pero araw-araw tuwing papasok ako sa trabaho namamaga mata ko. Haaaayyyy.

Salamat President Cory.

My wishlist

Yellow car (mini coop)
Bag
House
Lcd tv
Necklace
Earrings
A ring
Statement tshirt
Slippers
Watch
Photo album
Lipstick
Slr
Trip to caramoan island
Spa/massage
A good dinner
Inuman s bar with my fave local bands
Meet jay contreras, angelica panganiban
Perfume
Pirana
Tiger

gagamutin mo ba ko pag sinabi ko?

I went to Tokyo Healthlink kanina to see a doctor for check up. Just for a check up. I had some tests done and wasn’t so happy with what the doctor said. She said I was okay pero it’s not normal but we can prevent it. We discussed the symptoms and the things that might have caused it.
It’s really soooooo depressing knowing that I’m feeling healthy but I’m really not.
It’s really scary because I’m not feeling anything. There are no signs or whatsoever.
I have to undergo for another test tomorrow.
I’m praying that it won’t get worst and that it can still be cured.

Acrobat

2makbo aq papuntang cr, ayun success nman. Mghu2gas na sna aq kaso walang 2big sa balde so binuksan q un gripo. hahawakan q pa lng un gripo ng bigla xng natanggal. Pak nman! Malas! 2magas un npakalakas na 2big para aqng pinaliguan ng bumbero. Tinakpan q ng kamay un butas at nagsisigaw aq. Tinawag ko pinsan q kaso ndi sya mkapasok kc nkalock un pinto. Ndi q rn pwedeng buksan pinto kc ndi q mataas panty at shorts q. change position. Paa q pnangtakip q s butas at tinaas q shorts q. ok na sana kso ndi q maabot pinto kc un isang paa q nkataas pra takpan un butas. Eun kelangan q magsplit para maabot q un pinto at magpa2long sa pinsan q.

Kilikili power

Sweldo today yey! Joy and I decided to have our armpits’ hair removed. Trip lang. I badly wanted my unwanted hairs removed. It’s uncomfortable and downright ugly. I’m tired of shaving and plucking. So we went to Godiva, in front of Honda Alabang, and took advantage of the promo they offer for laser hair removal hehe. The package consists of three laser sessions (each), a diamond peel plus facial.

We already had our first session. The procedure felt like a rubber band snapping on my skin. The pain was very tolerable. I’m actually looking forward to our next session. Kaya lang we have to wait ½ months. Tagal. I’m hoping na matanggal nga siya talaga. I can see that there’s a bit of improvement on my armpit na kasi parang balahibong pusa na yata sya. I was blown away with the possibility of never having to shave again.

Potipot Island

Potipot Island is located in Uacon, Candelaria Zambales. It’s a 5-hour long drive from manila to Zambales. Pero kung magcocommute lang it will take 6 hours. Better if you ride in Caloocan/Monumento Victory Liner going to Sta. Cruz. Bihira lang kasi yung bus na Sta Cruz sa Cubao. At sa Pasay, going to Iba Zambales lang pwede masakyan. 3am pa lang nasa bus station na kami. We stayed in Isla Vista Beach Resort. The place was nice. Siya yung pinakamalapit sa Potipot Island. 3-minute boat ride lang. Mabait pa yung may ari ng place at meron pang asong kumakanta…si pepper. Ankyutkyut nya.

The place is not so expensive. We stayed there for 2days. Here’s what we spent (all in peso):
1200.00 - room (4pax)
2100.00 - room (6pax)
250.00 - additional person
150.00 - additional bed
Total: - 3700.00
We are 11 in all so we only spent 337.00 each for the room.

400.00 - boat ride going to potipot (back and forth). Btw, the boat can accommodate 4-6pax but we decided to divide our group into three. We spent a total of 1200.00 so that’s 100.00 each.
50.00 - entrance fee in potipot (each).
240.00 - three meals (lunch, dinner and breakfast)
840.00 - bus fare (from manila to sta. cruz and back to manila)
Total expense: 1570.00php EACH

Note: this doesn’t include yet the money we spent for our baon, snacks, alcohol and cost of travel from alabang going to caloocan.

What to bring:
Off lotion
Flashlight
Water (lots of water)
Jacket (sobrang init sa umaga pero malamig sa gabi)
Alak (dapat magpakalasing sa island)
Tent (pero we didn’t bring one kasi we didn’t stay overnight in the island…ayaw malamukan ng mga kasama ko).

Here’s our itenerary:
4:30am - 10:30am - departure. There’s only one stop over kaya ilabas nyo na lahat ng nasa pantog nyo.
10:30am - 11:00am - reception. You need to wait for your room key. Pwede na kayo magikot-ikot at picture taking.
11:00am - 1:00pm - check in. Nagayos muna kami ng gamit and nag-lunch na rin. Masarap yung pagkain. Marami. Kaso marami rin nakikipyestang langaw.
1:00pm - 6:00pm - Inuman sa Potipot Island. Nagbabad sa araw. Daming starfish! Kewl!
6:00pm - 9:00pm - back to resort. Dinner.
9:00pm - 5:00am - mahaba-habang tulog.
5:00am - 7:00am - sunrise. Breakfast.
7:00am - 9:30am - we went to the beach again pero sa tapat lang ng resort. Malakas alon kaya masaya.
9:30am - 11:00am - Picture taking again. Ligo/pack up na ng gamit. Check-out.

Bunch of lunch

I was crying all night. I don’t want elaborate things. Basta, I felt like I badly need him. I texted him “pasayahin mo ako” then, I asked him if he wanted to see me, he answered yes. Walang alinlangan. Nice. Alam ko naman sya lang makakapagpasaya sa kin ng sobra sobra. I cant even explain how pero it’s always beyond my expectations. Nagiisa sya.
We ate at shakey’s. Nagtititigan lang kami. He’s asking why I asked him out. siguro he’s thinking na naisahan ko sya dahil nauto ko sya na makipagkita sakin. Ayaw nya maniwala na may problema ako. Well, problema ko cguro sarili ko.
Anyweyz, I enjoyed eating my bunch of lunch with him compared to eating that same order with dkee or anybody else. Meron *kilig* factor ;p He said he still loves me. Hanggang kelan sya maghihintay sakin? Sabi nya pag naisip ko na daw na iwan yung isa. Pinigilan ko umiyak. Pero I still cried a bit :’( Sadyang iyakin yata talaga ako.
Tama na ang drama. Bakit pa ba ako nakikipagkita sa kanya? If you were in my situation then you would understand.

“Antukin” Lyrics By Rico Blanco

Iniwan ka na ng eroplano
Ok lang baby
Wag kang magbago
Dito ka lang
Humimbing
Sa aking piling
Antukin

Kukupkupin nalang kita
Sorry wala ka nang magagawa
Mahalin mo nalang ako
Ng sobra sobra
Para patas naman tayo
Diba?

Chorus:
Sasalubungin natin ang kinabukasan
Ng walang takot at walang pangamba
Tadhana’y merong tip na makapangyarihan
Kung ayaw may dahilan
Kung gusto palaging merong paraan

Pinaiyak ka ng manghuhula
Hindi na raw tayo magkasamang tatanda
Buti nalang
Merong langit na nagtatanggol sa
Pag ibig na pursigido’t matyaga

Bridge:
Long as we stand as one
Ano man ang ating makabangga
Nothing will ever break us
Wala talaga
As in wala

Coda:
Hahalikan nalang natin ang kinabukasan
Ng buong loob at yayakapin pa
Tadhana’y medyo overrated kung minsan
Kung ayaw may dahilan
Kung gusto palaging merong paraan

Gumawa nalang tayo ng paraan
Gumawa nalang tayo ng…
Baby, gumawa nalang tayo ng paraan

Music is life (from FM’s blog)

I exercise my vocals every now and then. It is my medicine. Here is a set of pictures Pia took of me. (upon my instructions I prod her to shoot at every opportunity. I always look at the photo journalistic quality of the moment) These "reality" shots are gonna be of value one day. I can use these for the documentary am doing, and probably even a book one day.

I was vocalizing to the new track that we did with Ely B. and THE NEW BAND. Yup, we will have a new band. An album of music, a documentary movie, a foundation, yes all of these will happen. AND I WAS VOCALIZING WHILE TRANSFUSING A PACK OF RBC.

I still hear the voices of Elvis Presley, John Lennon, Tupac Shakur, Kurt Cobain, The Notorious B.I.G. and Frank Sinatra to name a few. And their voices rise from their graves.

I am lucky to have been a recording artist and one day when I leave this world, just like the names I mentioned, my voice will be heard. Always. At a touch of a button or switch, I am "alive" again.

In essence music is life. Music is immortality.

http://happybattle.multiply.com/

........Kagabi, I was listening to eraserheads - the reunion concert cd. Then I decided to listen to FM instead. I think it’s better. I heard him rapping, as if he were alive, with Gloc9’s Lando and with Parokya ni edgar’s Bagsakan, then eheads’ superproxy. But nothing can beat the sound of Kaleidoscope syempre.

I slept late last night because I was reading francisM’s blogs. I cant help but cry. I just finished reading it this morning. My eyes were swelling.

I realized that life is really too short to waste time. We have to enjoy life's pleasures and pain. Facing reality is scary. But we have to deal with it.

His blog really hit me.

Eraserheads - The Final Set

Magsisimula na yung concert wala pa rin akong ticket. Nakapasok na sa vip yung mga friends ko. Di na ako nageexpect na may makukuha ulit akong murang vip pero buti na lang nacontact ko ulit yung binibilhan ko ng ticket. Nag-meet kami ni manong buboy sa harap ng ambulance sa vip. As usual, patago niya binigay.
Palaging bongga na ticket ang binibigay nya sa akin. Sobrang mura, mas mura pa sa nakuha ng mga nambabarat kong kaibigan. So mas barat pala talaga ako. Sa unang Eheads the reunion concert, binigay nya sa akin yung pinakaharap, s-vip (ahhh super very important person?), ngayon naman binigay niya vip all access at may access pa ako sa backstage. Yung 5k na ticket binenta lang nya sakin sa halagang 2k. Mas mura yun presyo nya dati 1.3k lang dati svip. Sobrang traffic sa Moa, muntik ko na hindi masimulan yung concert. Ganda ng pwesto ko, maluwag at mahangin. Katabi ko nanaman si Marc Abaya. Mukang pinagtatagpo yata talaga kami ng tadhana. Kaso kasama niya gf nya ngayon. Naghahalikan pa sila sa harap, tabi, at likod ko. Sa harap ko si Yasmien Kurdy, sa gilid ko si Aia ng Imago, sa likod ko magkasama si Kean ng Calalilly, ney of 6cyclemind at yung vj ng MYX. Sa pagkakaalam ko nasa paligid ko lang si anne curtis, jericho rosales, chito miranda, at si teddy (ko) ng rocksteddy.
Astig yung concert ever. Nakanta nila halos lahat ng mga kanta na gusto ko marinig compared sa unang concert nila na medyo bitin pero sulit na rin. May solo part si raymund marasigan at marcus. Si buddy parang wala akong matandaan. Naging acoustic yung bandang gitna ng concert. Siguro dahil bawal mapagod si ely. Sa the reunion concert medyo heavy music ginawa nila di katulad ngayon medyo steady lang. Marami din hinagis si ely sa audience like yung jacket, guitar picks, sapatos at medyas. Ayos sa trip.
Kinanta nila superproxy at kaleidoscope ni francis m. to pay tribute. Nakakakilabot ang el bimbo lalo na nung sinunog ni ely yung piano at tapos tumugtog siya dun habang umaapoy, at maraming confetti na naglalaglagan with fireworks.
Tinatamad na ko magtype at magkwento. Pero basta sulit. At happy ako sa napanood ko.

Operation gotcha

Ayun. It’s avail. Konti lang calls. System issue pa. Nagtext ako ng isang beses. Nagbasa din ng message. Nakikipagdaldalan pa ako. Masaya na sana buhay ko haha. 8 minutes na lang logout na. Ang swerte ko naman. Bigla na lang lumapit si kuya sabi niya bawal daw cellphone sa loob. Pabasa na lang daw ng sent items ko. Lahat na lang pinagdududahan na magnanakaw ng credit card account number. Patago naman ako nagbasa ng text… yun ang akala ko. Hindi pala. Kita pala ako ni big brother. Oh my f-ing god. Huli ka balbon. Cap.

...and i have to let you go.

I don’t want to hurt you. I know you’ll be happy with someone else, so I'm letting you go. You’ll find someone who will love you more than I do. I'm not right for you. And I'm not sure if you are right for me. I don’t think you ever needed me. But the thought of letting you go breaks my heart because in my life, you play an important part. I have to face reality. Everything has changed. I’ve never thought the day would come that you’d grow tired of me. I even remember the day when you said goodbye but you’ll never know how much it hurts for me.

I’m sorry for all that has been said and done.
I’m sorry if I didn’t make everything right.
I was in a tight situation.
Sorry if I seemed like I didn’t care.
Sorry if I didn’t let you move on.
Sorry if I made things so hard for you.
But what is it that you want from me? You’re saying that you don’t want to hear anything from me or see me anymore. You even took me off your friendster. You said it yourself, you don’t want me.
Everybody knows how much I love you so why do you say that I was being fake?
Why else would I spend christmas with you if I don’t love you.
I’ve never wanted anyone as much as I’ve wanted you. But since you don’t want me, I have to let you go. I have to move on as well. What the fuck else am I supposed to do?
But if you need a friend, just remember that I’m always here.
You’re free.

hafi nyunyir!

Haaaayyyyyyy! Taon taon nalang tuwing xmas or new year palagi na lang may nasisira sakin aaarrrgggghhhh!!! Natuluyan na talaga phone ko. Wala akong makita. Hindi ko tuloy natext ng happy new year yung mga friends ko. Alam ko sira sya pero ok pa sya nung umaga before ng new year’s eve. Ewan ko ba at baka namagic ni dkee yun phone ko. Hinawakan nya eh. Sabi na nga ba mabigat talaga kamay nun eh bumigay na tuloy phone ko. Pero hindi daw nya sinira, sira na daw talaga. Eh bahala sya. Alam ko naman magmamatigas yun katulad ko.
Anyweyz, ayun, as usual 6pm pa lang antok na ko. Nakaset na sa utak ko na matutulog ako para magising ako ng 12 o’clock. Gusto ko tumalon baka tumangkad pa ko eh. Badtrip lang pinipilit kasi ako ng ermats ko magsimba. Eh wala nga ko sa mood, ang kulet. Inaasikaso ko kasi cellphone ko baka tumino pa. Di ta;aga ako tinigilan sa pagpilit magsimba. Antok na ko, gutom pa. last kain ko 10 pa ng umaga. Kumakalam na sikmura ko. Padabog akong sumama. Nakasimangot ako pumasok sa simbahan. Nakikipagshake-hands pa sakin yung mga tao sa church pero di ko matanggal yung pagkabugnutin ko. Nagkakantahan, sayawan at palakpakan silang lahat samantalang ako nakatayo lang parang estatwa. Di gumagalaw, walang emosyon. Sa harapan pa man din kami nakapwesto. Paborito ng ermats ko sa harap eh. Habang nagsesermon yung pastor natutulog lang ako. Paminsan-minsan pag may signal nagtetext din pero sinasaway ako. Pero text parin ako. Mainit ulo ko eh. Pero may nakwento ermats ko na medyo natawa naman ko. Nalaman ko kasi na may bf na ate ko. 22yrs old tapos sya 29. Ayus naman. Parang little brother ko na yun eh. Nakiliala daw nya sa states. No wonder, hindi sya makwento sakin ng ate ko baka nahihiya dahil pagtatawanan ko lang sya. Kung sakin yun pwede pa.
Nakatulog naman ako kahit sandali. Sino ba naman hindi magigising sa lakas ng paputok ng kapitbahay namin. Eh goodbye philippines mga pinapasabok samin. Niyayanig bahay namin. Meron palang ganun na paputok. Nagpapantig tenga ko.